Fallacies Christians Are Told About Chronic Illness

There are many things you must deal with if you have a chronic illness.  Some of the common struggles are depression, insomnia, struggles with identity, and being incapable.  If you are a Christian, like Job you will have well-meaning friends trying to give you spiritual advice about your illness.  They mean well, but like Job we must weigh what is said against scripture and the truth of our personal relationship with God.

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Let's Play Never Have I Ever

I will list 20 things I have never done.  If you have done one or more of them leave a comment referencing the number from my list.  Feel free to add any explanation in your comment you feel is required.  Also, leave me your own "Never Have I Ever" statement and see if I have done it.

Here we go!  Never Have I Ever...

1. been scared of clowns.
2. successfully made a duck face while taking a selfie.
3. wanted to be a Kardashian.
4. flown in a helicopter.
5. thought about what type of dog I would be.
6. read a single Harry Potter book.
7. licked a frozen pole.
8. dropped Mentos into a diet Coke.
9. attempted martial art moves while by myself.
10. imagined my life as a sitcom and who would play me.
11. thought a fart smelled good.
12. tried anchovies.
13. tried counting the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a lollipop.
14. used a fake ID.
15. crashed a wedding.
16. driven drunk.
17. romantically kissed anyone but my husband.
18. pushed all the floor buttons in an elevator.
19. started a diet on any day but Monday.
20. ridden a stand up roller coaster.

What Wikipedia Can't Tell You About Chronic Illness

Wikipedia gives a great scientific definition for chronic illness.  It even lists some common chronic illnesses for reference points.  However, it is missing some facts that sufferers of chronic illness have in common.

A person with chronic illness will:

• Experience grief

If your chronic illness has changed the way you live your daily life, caused you to lose a career or drastically change your life,  you will grieve over these losses.  There are five stages of grief,  and you will experience them all: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. In fact, you will repeat stages as you move through them. I especially repeated anger during my grieving process.

Give yourself patience until you reach the acceptance stage. There is no timeline. I lost my career and my whole life turned upside down in 2008. This is a journal entry from 3 years later.

September 3, 2011

Such a strange word for me to describe a future.  Seriously, NO ONE has died and yet I am dramatic enough to use the word “GRIEF” as a descriptor!  What am I Grieving?

• LOSS of a career
• Inability to provide for my family
• Incapable to volunteer ministry time
• A lonely, unconnected life
• Loss of ability to physically live life I emotionally and spiritually conceive as my passion and purpose

 I am so lost right now. Really, really lost!

• Wrestle with identity issues

Journal Entry - October 2, 2012

I used to have a career as a Sr. Database Analyst. I used to be an elder in a church. I used to be the life of the party and enjoy hanging out with friends. I used to volunteer time with charities. I used to be constantly on the go, enjoying a very busy, yet fulfilling life

Now I am no longer those things. I am no longer her.  I haven’t been her for a long time. That is NOT my identity now.  I hear from people or feel the expectation of others they want that person back. Well that person is gone. Truth is, I miss her too.

But she was just a construct.  I am me and I am right here. A new way of living will be built, but it will be a temporary construct as well.  That is how life should always be.

Even the dictionary definition of identity is confusing!  It is not a mystery that an understanding of identity will morph and confuse you.  If you allow yourself to become stuck in an old identity, it causes great pain and blinds you to your future. It also creates a sense of hopelessness. This is why it is so important for your identity to be defined more from your soul than your body and your capabilities.  I root my identity within my faith. This means regardless of what happens to my body, my identity remains the same.

• Likely have insomnia

According to a survey done by Psychology Today, (citing Article September 26, 2013) 30% of respondents said they never got a good night's sleep and 53% said they had a sleep problem.  

I have networked with many others who suffer from chronic illness and their sleep patterns coincide with the above referenced survey.  Many people describe having their days and nights switched. Meaning they stay up all hours of the night and sleep, as best they can, during the day.  I am one of those people.  I call it vampire hours.  My husband's caregiver support group also state their loved ones have this issue.

• Not like to asking for help

It is an act of self care to ask for help.  You need help. That is a reality. For some unknown reason, our society makes you feel that asking for help is an example of weakness. There are some ordinary negative thoughts in regards to asking for help that likely hinder you.

1. I should not need help.  

2. I did not used to need help with this.  

3. I will be a burden if I ask for help.  

4. People will tire of me asking for help.  

5. I will lose my independence if I ask for help.  

These are all insidious thoughts not based in reality. You will find that your caregivers are there for you and it is OK to ask for their help. Love yourself enough to ask.

• Become frustrated

Frustration is a constant companion.  This is a fact of your illness.  You are going to be fed-up sometimes. You are going to be sick of being sick.  You are going to have bad days.  There will be days that your frustration is at maximum, and you are just angry and/or sad. Frustration will become a regular part of your life, and this is normal.  After all, you have something to be frustrated over. You have something to feel sad about.

• Have limited capability

A chronic illness, by definition, will limit your capacity to live life as you once did. I am profoundly struck with how much the simple routines of everyday impact me.

There are only so many units of energy that you have to function during your day. Things that most people don't think of take away units of energy from you. For example, getting a shower and getting dressed for the day use up units of energy. When those units are gone you are done for the day.

However, you are a whole person in spite of your illness.  You are not inadequate, but you are incapable of doing many of the things you used to do.  It is important to make this distinction between inadequacy and incapability. Feelings of inadequacy are ambivalent and lead to shame and remorse.  Acceptance of incapability are just the facts of life. For example, you cannot always attend appointments because you are unsure of what will be a good day for you.  This means that the people in your life, from friends to doctors, need this understanding. You are not inadequate or unreliable in being dependable for scheduled appointments.  You are incapable of the certainty of attendance to a scheduled appointment or event.

Wikipedia is a great source for clinical definitions but it certainly will not tell you about the above commonalities people with chronic illness deal with on a consistent basis.  Unfortunately, this is only a partial list. Hang in their friend!  Chronic illness does not need to define you. It simply affects the way you live your life.  It doesn't take value away from your life.  

Top Ten Things I've Learned As A New Indie Author

I've only been a published author for a month, but it seems I've learned a decades worth of information about independent publishing in this short amount of time.  Right now, I'm pretty cynical about the process.  If book sales were my goal then I would certainly consider paying a small publishing company to publish my book, or try the traditional route of obtaining an agent.  

1. There is real cost to independent publishing. 

I thought the cheapest route to go was independent publishing, but I have discovered there are many hidden costs I wasn't expecting.  Marketing is expensive and essential. Come to find out my book cover should have been professionally designed and that is expensive as well.  I was lucky enough to have access to an editor free of charge, but not all independent (indie) authors have that resource.   This is a great article on the real cost of indie publishing.

http://mediashift.org/2013/05/the-real-costs-of-self-publishing-book/

2.  Independently published books are still snubbed in the market place.

Anyone can be an author now.  There is debate in the industry as to where indie publishing will take the market.  The number of readers remains consistent but the number of books produced through indie publishing has glutted the market exponentially.   There are millions more books than there are readers for them.  This means that unless you have the backing of a traditional publisher, your book is lumped in with the masses and not recognized as up to standard.  Yes, there are success stories, but they are few.

3. It appears most indie authors don't generate primary income from their books.  

From what I have observed indie authors generate income by selling other products and services about indie publishing to other indie authors.  It's really crazy on the internet.   You can buy products and services on marketing, formatting, editing, book reviews, and how to anything related to indie publishing.  I've even seen a list of blog post ideas for sale.  This tells me that if my goal were to make an income from being an author, I better start writing about how to write, edit, market, and publish books.  

4.  The traditional publishing world is not interested in memoirs.

I have read from multiple sources that unless you are famous the chances of you pitching an idea to a publisher and having them catch the pitch for a memoir is 0%.  They just aren't interested.  In one article I read, not only would publishers not be interested in my memoir, but I wrote it completely wrong.  Again, if my goal were book sales, I'd be worried.

5.  Self marketing your book takes time, creativity and lots of failures.

In the last month, I have schemed and created marketing from all angles.  I've used social media, direct mail, free give away-s, gimmicks and tricks.  Most of which have failed.  Oh, I'll keep trying because of the challenge and because my goal is to reach as many people with my story as I can.  I can accomplish this without book sales.  

However, the book is a tool to convey my story of redemption. I am the walking, talking storyteller.  So I am really marketing myself but not for financial gain.  I am marketing strictly for Kingdom of God building.  That mindset doesn't lend itself to dollar sign marketing techniques.

6.  Press Releases are a waste of time.

I've used free press releases, but even if I paid for them they wouldn't have helped me much.  Let's be realistic, what news agency cares about an indie author they have never heard of with a memoir.  I have decided not to waste any more time on press releases.  They have not driven any traffic to my website.  I have only one source of publication of a press releases, which I highly suspect is a mock-up website with no real following.  

7.  Social media is not a marketing tool.

There are only so many times you can go to the well of social media for marketing your book.  I try hard not to come across with "Buy my book" messages, but of course that is the undertone of the my posts.  I also have followers who follow me only because of my book.  I have to post regularly for that audience. I can almost hear the eye rolls of family and friends who are viewing yet another post.  

I have been successful through Facebook ads to drive some new traffic into my author Facebook page.  I don't have enough twitter followers who are too concerned with my indie book.  I don't really use Instagram and other social media sites.  But social media is more like the radio in your car it isn't the engine running your marketing.

8. Establishing a platform, who knew? No one knows!

An author platform is an ambiguous term.  No one really knows how to define it, yet every author, especially non-fiction authors, must have one.  The basic idea of an author platform is figuring out how to establish your credibility within the market place.  Trying to build this nebulous platform is like catching bubbles.  

You must have a website and your own domain name.  The freebie websites and even free email, like gmail, are viewed as non-professional.  

I've had to pursue recommendations, endorsements and references from respected individuals in order to establish some sort of credibility.  

Another essential is you must have a media kit.  This includes things like a video book trailer, author biography, endorsements, etc.  You can view my press room here https://www.aliasintown.com/press-room.  Having those resources at the fingertips of anyone interested in interviewing you, hosting you for a book signing or speaking engagement is an absolute must.

The rest of my platform I will have to figure out as I continue to plod along as an indie author.  Since, there is no definition of what an author platform actually is or looks like it should make the rest of this year interesting.

9.  It is difficult to drive new traffic to your website.

I am a nobody to the outside world.  Why would anyone want to visit my website?  Yet, it is the hub of all of my information gathered in one place.  I have redesigned my site several times and it will likely look different next month.  

In order to become known, I have to somehow get people I don't know and who don't know me interested in visiting my website.  Once there, I need them to be interested enough to click around in it to find my books, schedule a speaking engagement and participate in my marketing plan. I have about 3 seconds of attention when they first arrive to accomplish this.  It is very difficult to do and I still haven't figured it out.  

I have learned the term SEO, search engine optimization, and continue to tweak my online presence so that it comes up on search engines.  I am proud to say that if you do a google search on "Alias In Town" the top 6 results are related to me.  Now the task is to get someone to do a search on "Alias In Town"!  If you search my name there is a gospel singer named Anita Wilson who has two entire pages that are returned in the results.  So a pen name was absolutely essential for me.

10.  Be mobile friendly in anything you do.

The number one way people are accessing anything regarding me online is through their mobile device.  I still have not figured out how to get my blog to work like I want it to on a mobile device.  My website had some serious bugs that had to be worked out.  

There you have it.  My top ten things I've learned so far as a new indie author.  It is a list which leaves me skeptical.  At least I'm learning from my mistakes.  Perhaps you can too.

Declaring My Independence

Today, I am making a declaration. A declaration of my independence.

On this day, I declare:
I am free from the bonds of addiction. I am clean and sober.
I am free from debilitating depression.
I am free from a chronic illness stealing my contentment.
I am free to receive help without losing my independence.

6 Questions To Save A Life

Suicide is now the number one cause of death for men under 50.  Now that is a terribly sad statistic.  And our sadness grows deeper after we hear news story after news story of yet another suicide victim.

Since the publication of my book Well, I have fielded some calls, emails and texts from people with suicidal thoughts.  This was not something I expected to happen.  When it did for the first time, I immediately started educating myself on how to properly respond. 

The SPRC (Suicide Prevention Resource Center) offers free certifications in online training.  I urgently signed up for all four classes and earned the certifications.  Yet, I still feel so unprepared. 

The number one thing to know is that it is OK to talk to a suicidal person about suicide.  Questioning them with specific evaluative questions will not push them closer to suicide.  It does the opposite.  You help them see that they are valued enough to be asked these questions and your compassion is felt deeply. 

In the picture above are 6 questions you can ask someone who says they want to kill themselves.  If they answer "yes" to any of these questions they must be taken seriously.  Stay with them until they are handed off to someone who can help.  A close friend or family member who will stay with them and remove any lethal means from their environment.  The most lethal being any firearms they can access.  If they answer yes to 4, 5, or 6 you must immediately escort them to Emergency Personnel.

Print out this blog post and cut the "Questions To Save A Life" graphic out, and carry it with you in your wallet.  The epidemic of suicide could require you to have this tool on hand.  I know I will. If at any time you feel you have lost control in the situation, call 911 and wait with them   I know I will.

www.aliasintown.com